Why Strangers Make Us Smarter (And Neighbors Make Us Lazy)

I have been observing a strange phenomenon lately.

Having lived in the hyper-diverse chaos of Mumbai and now spending time in more community-driven cities like Pune and Ahmedabad, I noticed a shift in "cognitive difficulty."

In Mumbai, the people I interacted with—from the local train commuters to business contacts—projected a certain sharpness. They seemed intelligent, adaptable, and composed. But when I travel to places where people share similar backgrounds, dialects, and histories, I often sense a rise in what I can only call "problematic behaviors."

It led me to a counter-intuitive realization: We behave better when we are surrounded by strangers, and we regress when we are surrounded by people just like us.

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The Illusion of Intelligence

My first assumption was that the "big city" simply attracts smarter people. But after deeper reflection, I realized it wasn't about IQ—it was about Social Friction.

In a city like Mumbai, you are constantly on the "Front Stage." You are surrounded by millions of strangers who owe you nothing. If you act out, break a queue, or lose your temper, the social consequences are immediate and harsh. You have to be "smart" to survive. The diversity of the crowd forces you to code-switch, adapt, and keep your flaws hidden.

We mistake this survival instinct for intelligence.

The Homogeneity Trap

Contrast this with a homogeneous community. In cities where everyone speaks the same language, shares the same background, and perhaps even knows someone you know, the dynamic shifts. You aren't on a stage anymore; you are in a living room.

This familiarity breeds a specific kind of laziness.

I’ve watched drivers in these communities collide, scream at each other, and then drive away as if nothing happened. It is "Ritualized Aggression." In a diverse city, screaming at a stranger is dangerous because you don’t know who they are. In a homogeneous community, it’s just a way to vent. It’s safe.

The "problematic behavior" arises because the community acts like a comfortable cushion. When everyone thinks alike, no one challenges the status quo. I’ve seen crowds "pool together" to bully an outsider or demand money, not because they reasoned through the logic, but because they instinctively joined the hive mind. It is a form of cognitive laziness—it is easier to join the mob than to think for yourself.

The Pillar and The Acrobat

This observation forced me to look at my own life to understand the solution.

I am someone who believes in waiting. I don't like to rush into things; I prefer to let the "mud settle" until the water is clear before I act. My wife, on the other hand, is an "Acrobat." She moves fast, takes risks, and occasionally makes mistakes that cost us money.

In a homogeneous society, we would be told to stick to our own kind. All the "waiters" should live together, and all the "doers" should live together. But that is exactly why those communities fail.

• If a society is full of only Pillars (like me), it stagnates. Nothing ever gets built.
• If a society is full of only Acrobats (like her), it crashes. There is no safety net.

My marriage works precisely because we are different. She can fly high in her career because she knows I am the stationary pillar she can